So, true confession, I am not a writer. This whole blogging thing is not my thing! It is completely not within my comfort zone, nor is it in the top ten “Lindsay attributes” list either. That being said, I always, and I mean always, pray before sitting down to blog. This blog is for God’s glory, not my own, and therefore it’s my hearts desire to allow Him to lead my heart and my fingers.
More often than I’d like to admit, I’m not sure how to start my prayer time with him, though. Usually my brain is still churning on the events of the day and not ready to settle down into God’s word. I try to imagine kneeling before him, hands open, head bowed, submitting to his will. Sometimes that imagery is the catalyst to the beginning of our quiet time together, and sometimes I still feel distant and alone.
One day mom and I were out running errands together (I was 4ish years old), and I committed theft. We were at Michael’s and while standing in line I started playing with some small suction cups. Totally random, I know, but I was fascinated by them. They were the size of a quarter, clear, bendy, and fun to play with. Mom wouldn’t let me have them, though, and I really wanted them. My fingers NEEDED them. So I did what any child would do when their mom told them “no” and to instead of putting them back on the shelf, I stuck them down my pants.
Later that day, mom was assisting me in the restroom and, as I pulled down my pants, out fell the suction cups. There was no hiding it, they fell out right in front of her. She knew exactly what I had done. She knew I had stolen them after she told me no. Needless to say that was the longest, most quietest, ride back to Michael’s that she and I ever had. There was a chasm in our relationship that couldn’t be bridged until repentance took place.
Mom drove me back to Michael’s where I had to hand over the suction cups to the employee on duty and confess my crime. I was sure that they’d handcuff me right then and there. I was ashamed and embarrassed. The employee accepted my apology, permitted me to put the suction cups back on the shelf, and leave the store with my mom (no jail time!). The ride home wasn’t as silent as the ride there; Mom and I started our repair.
If you’re having trouble praying today, try confessing your sins. Confess to the sin of putting self first, greed of finances, gluttony of food, anger towards others and lack of love in general. As your sin pours out, God’s love pours in. Thank you God for filling my ugly heart with your everlasting love and grace.
Psalm 32:5 – Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.
1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Proverbs 28:13 – Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Psalm 69:5 – O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.
James 4:7-10 – Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.